Uriel moves a skate in a garden. A woman gets off of a car and runs. She crashes into the skate.
Mother: Son of a biscuit! Dylan! Dylan... How many times have I told you to pick up that stupid skateboard! I am not your maid!
Dylan: God, why the hell is your panties in a bunch?
Mother: Don't you talk to me like that! You are grounded, young man!
Dylan: I'm going camping with Tyler!
Mother: No, you're not. Go to your room! Grounded! Don't waste food! Get out of here!
Dylan: You're ruining my life!
Mother: No, no. Not through there, the dog's in there!
The dog escapes from the house and runs on the street… And Chloe has a car accident.
Lucifer and Chloe are talking at her place.
Chloe: It was a random car crash.
Lucifer: Are you certain?
Chloe: Yes.
Lucifer: But you didn't see anything strange or out of the ordinary?
Chloe: Like I told you at the hospital and several times before that, no. What's going on with you?
Lucifer: Well, there's a miniscule, albeit highly unlikely, chance that your car accident was a result of my father trying to send me a message.
Chloe: Lucifer, it was a freak accident. A dog ran into the middle of the road. You had nothing to do with it.
Lucifer: Right. Okay. Well, you're about to be in another disastrous wreck that is avoidable.
Chloe: What?
Lucifer: Living with Maze. Potential for sexy pillow fights notwithstanding, you and Maze are like snow pants and elephants… You don't mix.
Chloe: Maze and I have become friends… Sort of. And I think it's gonna be fine.
Lucifer: Oh, really?
Chloe: With a short adjustment period.
Lucifer: Mm.
Chloe: Yeah. What is that?
Chloe’s phone rings.
Chloe: Decker… Yeah, what's the address?
Lucifer is searching in Maze’s stuffs.
Trixie: Hi, Lucifer.
Lucifer: Ah, um, toys. In there. Go.
Chloe: Yes. Thank you.
Trixie: Can you read this to me, Mommy?
Chloe: No, Monkey. I just got a new case. You have to get to school. And besides, that's your bedtime story. I'll read that to you tonight.
Trixie: No, read it to me now!
Lucifer: This... Best birth control in the world.
Chloe: Come here… What's going on, kiddo?
Trixie: Landa says your job's really dangerous. That cops get hurt all the time. I don't want you to get hurt.
Chloe: Oh, baby. The car accident was just that... An accident. And Mommy's job can be dangerous, but I'm really careful, okay? I'm not gonna get hurt.
Trixie: I love you, Mom.
Trixie hugs her mother.
Chloe: Oh, I love you so much. I love you.
Lucifer: Oh, no, actually, this is better birth control.
Chloe and Lucifer are joining Ella on the crime scene.
Chloe: Hey, Ella.
Ella: Hey.
Chloe: All right, any I.D. on the victim?
Ella: Uh, yep. His name is...
Lucifer: It's Wesley Cabot!
Chloe: What? How do you know that?
Lucifer: How do I know th... Star of the Body Bags movies. Eighth-degree black belt. Absolute icon in the action genre. I adore his work.
Chloe: It's just a bunch of people pretending to punch each other.
Lucifer: It's much more than that, Detective. It's a chance to escape your reality for a moment. Some people need that. Also, ninjas and tons of nudity in the first three, so...
Chloe: He had a drug problem, right?
Lucifer: Well, only if you consider ingesting millions of dollars' worth of cocaine a problem… I call it a Tuesday. But, apparently, it's frowned upon. Yeah, so no studios would hire him anymore.
Chloe: Hmm. No wonder he resorted to teaching karate in Hollywood.
Lucifer: Yeah.
Chloe: Looks like he was living here.
Lucifer: And I thought I fell a long way.
Ella: Okay, so body temp's cooled five degrees. That pegs time of death around 7:00 a.m.
Chloe: Doesn't look like there's any money missing. No forced entry. It's not a robbery. What's the cause of death?
Ella: Dude was hit with a... "Nunchuck statue"? That's a first for me. "The Golden Nunchuck Award for Best Fight Sequence, 1998."
Chloe: So, you think the award came from the box?
Ella: Yep. It's got all of Wesley's Body Bags 4 swag. Memorabilia, contracts. Once I get all this back to the precinct, I'll see what I can find.
Lucifer wants to take a picture of him and the dead body.
Lucifer: For the Insta.
Chloe: No!
Lucifer: No?
Chloe: Nope. Not cool.
Lucifer: Uh... Oh, hold on. I know who the killer must be.
Ella: Who?
Lucifer: The dreaded ninja Ozaki, from Body Bags 6: Tokyo Fire. I mean, who else would get the jump on Wesley Cabot? I will avenge you.
Chloe: Who found the body?
Ella: A kid. Said he saw a Hummer driving away.
Chloe: Here you go.
Lucifer: Hmm?
Chloe: I'll see if he saw a plate.
Ella: Hey, Lucifer.
Lucifer: Yes?
Ella: So I was wondering...
Lucifer: Okay, all right, but, uh, we'll need to be discreet about it, 'cause the Detective hates it when I mix business with pleasure. The, uh, bed in there looks a little skanky, but I'm up for it if you are.
Ella: Uh, wow. Okay. Yeah.
Lucifer: Okay.
Ella: I mean, no!
Lucifer: Oh.
Ella: I was just wondering, why do you like this Wesley Cabot guy so much?
Lucifer: Well, he rips men's hearts out, wipes out entire villages, never says thank you, and he's applauded for it.
Ella: Oh, him... As opposed to you. That's right, because you're the son of God.
Lucifer: Exactly. Yes.
Ella: I get it. I mean, Stanislavksy would be very proud of you.
Lucifer: Okay, for the last time, I am not a method actor.
Ella: So method of you to say. Damn, you are good. Hey, can you cry on cue?
Lucifer sees Uriel.
Lucifer: Sorry, excuse me.
Lucifer joins his brother on a roof.
Uriel: Hello, brother.
Lucifer: Ah. Uriel! I thought it was you. Welcome to Earth… Clearly, I got the fashion sense in the family. Word of advice: I'd lose the trench coat, 'cause as it stands, it's less cool, brooding angel, more sort of "pedophile chic."
Uriel: One joke down. One to go. Why can't you take anything seriously, Lucifer?
Lucifer: What do they say? Laugh like no one's listening? Dance like you're standing on the corpses of your enemies?
Uriel: And there's the other. Predictable as ever.
Lucifer: What do you want, Uriel?
Uriel: I came to you tell you that you have 24 hours.
Lucifer: I'll bite. 24 hours or what?
Uriel: Either return here with Mom, or I'll finish what I started with your detective.
Lucifer: The car accident.
Uriel: You made a deal with Dad. Time to pay up. So... Bring Mom to me, or I'll take back what Dad gave you.
Lucifer, Maze and Amenadiel are talking at the Penthouse.
Amenadiel: Uriel is here?
Lucifer: Pleasant aroma and all.
Amenadiel: And he's after Chloe?
Maze: No. He's after Chloe or that classy bitch you call "Mom." You made a deal with Daddy. Time to pay up.
Amenadiel: Uriel can come after celestial beings like us, yes, but angels aren't allowed to kill humans. Chloe should be safe.
Lucifer: Yes, but remember, dear brother, that Uriel can play with patterns. He makes a butterfly flap its wings and a housewife gets chlamydia.
Amenadiel: Or Chloe gets into a seemingly accidental car wreck.
Lucifer: Correct, for ten points.
Maze: Well, too bad there isn't an easy way to make this all go away. Oh, wait, there is. Send your mom back to Hell. A solution which you will, no doubt, avoid.
Lucifer: Well, worry not, my little sex thug, because Uriel won't be a problem. We have a nuclear weapon.
Amenadiel: What's that?
Lucifer: You. Well, Uriel doesn't know that we're working together on this. We all know he won't listen to me. But he will if it's someone from the home team… So, you will go and convince him that he needs to go back. Or, you know, just punch him in his smug face. Dealer's choice. God, it's nice having a super powerful angel on your side, isn't it?
Maze: Good luck with that.
Chloe is on the phone at the Station.
Chloe: Huh.
Lucifer: Saved your life. Maybe. You never know.
Chloe: What are you talking about?
Lucifer: Well, it appears that I was correct this morning. You are being targeted by cosmic forces. But fear not, it's all being dealt with. And I'm here.
Chloe: Now... What is with everyone and this car accident? I'm fine.
Lucifer: No, I'm afraid that you're not. And so, for the next day or so, I'm gonna need you to be unpredictable. Whatever you'd normally do, just, you know... Ah, ah... Do the opposite.
Chloe: Too bad. I was totally gonna have sex with you today.
Lucifer: Really? Oh. Well played, Detective. Yes, but until the threat has passed, just to be safe, I won't be leaving your side. So just think of me as your Guardian Devil.
Chloe: Okay.
Daniel comes.
Daniel: Guys, Wesley Cabot's dead. I can't believe it.
Chloe: Oh, God. Not you, too.
Daniel: Oh, man. Body Bags 1 through 6. First in line. I mean, I even skipped out on some of our wedding planning to see Body Bags 6. Remember?
Chloe: That was the big emergency?
Daniel: It was totally worth it. It was a great movie.
Lucifer: Yes, it was. Better catch phrase, wasn't it?
Lucifer & Daniel: "Not on my watch."
Lucifer: Maybe I should get a catch phrase.
Chloe: You don't need a catch phrase. And you. Do you have anything constructive to add?
Daniel: Uh, yep. Yep, I do… The boy who, uh, found the body remembered the first three plate numbers of the getaway car. 13 matches.
Chloe: 13. That's a lot of legwork.
Lucifer: Jamie Lee Adrienne.
Chloe: The, uh, the Playmate? The ex-party girl?
Lucifer: Yeah.
Chloe: What does she have to do with Wesley Cabot?
Daniel: She's his ex-wife. They met on the set of Body Bags 4.
Lucifer: Apparently, Jamie and Wesley's divorce proceedings were very contentious. Maybe she went to "renegotiate." By "renegotiate", I mean kill him.
Chloe: Yeah.
Lucifer: Uh...
Daniel: Yeah.
Chloe, Daniel and Lucifer are talking with Jamie Lee Adrienne in the interview room.
Jamie Adrienne: I can't believe Wesley's really gone.
Daniel: When was the last time you saw Mr. Cabot?
Jamie Adrienne: Um... A few weeks ago. Maybe.
Chloe: Interesting. Then can you explain why a witness said that they saw you speeding away from Wesley's dojo this morning?
Lucifer: Welcome to Devil Time.
Chloe: What are you doing?
Lucifer: Trying out my new catch phrase.
Daniel: "Welcome to Devil Time"? What the hell does that mean?
Lucifer: She knows what it means.
Jamie Adrienne: I have no idea what that means.
Lucifer: Oh.
Jamie Adrienne: Okay, yeah. I... I was at the dojo this morning. But it's not what you think. I went because of this...
Jamie Adrienne makes them listening to a voice mail.
Wesley: My life is destroyed. And it all started with Body Bags 4. Call me back.
Daniel: What "started with Body Bags 4"?
Jamie Adrienne: I have no idea. That's why I went to go see see Wesley. But he was already dead and... I panicked and then I ran... But I swear I would've never hurt Wesley. Even though we were divorced, I really cared about him.
Chloe: Where were you at 7:00 a.m. this morning?
Jamie Adrienne: With Raphael. My Pilates instructor.
Lucifer: And how does the Weaponizer feel about all this?
Chloe: Who the hell is the Weaponizer?
Daniel: He's a character played by Kimo Van Zandt, Wesley's co-star and her current husband.
Chloe: So you used to be married to an action star, only to divorce him and marry another action star?
Jamie Adrienne: Yeah. It was the '90s. We did a lot of coke.
Chloe: Well, how did your current husband feel about you visiting your ex?
Lucifer: Oh, that's easy. Kimo and Wesley hated each other. Long-standing feud.
Jamie Adrienne: God only knows what Kimo would've done if he knew I went to see him.
Daniel: Where was Kimo this morning?
Jamie Adrienne: Uh, at ActionCon in Reno. Signing autographs.
Chloe is watching a video of Wesley and Kimo.
Wesley: Where's my money, partner?
Kimo Van Zandt: I will end you!
Wesley: Without Body Bags 4, you are nothing, man!
Chloe: How does Body Bags 4 figure into all this?
Lucifer: Well, Wesley, our victim, uh, was the hero of the Body Bags franchise.
Daniel: Ooh, and in Body Bags 4, newcomer Kimo Van Zandt appeared. He played this shady CIA operative, who acted as Wesley's foil and his eventual ambiguous ally, but...
Lucifer: Then Kimo's character got spun off into his own, more successful franchise, The Weaponizer. Personal fave: Weaponizer 4: The Last Arsenal.
Daniel: So good, right?
Lucifer: At the end, with the whole...
Chloe: Okay, I so regret asking you guys this. Although, you're oddly adorable. So, it seems like Kimo has always had it out for Wesley. Stole his wife, stole his film franchise. So maybe he really did "end" it for him once and for all.
Lucifer: But Kimo was in Reno.
Chloe: At ActionCon. But that convention happens the last week in August.
Lucifer: How do you know that?
Chloe: My mom used to go to it every year.
Daniel: So Jamie's lying.
Chloe: Or Kimo's lying to her. Either way, we gotta find him.
Daniel: I'll put out a BOLO.
Chloe: Okay.
Charlotte is on the phone in her office.
Charlotte: Please, hold on. Um... Again, I apologize that the children were late for school. And, yes, I understand that pants need to be worn every day, now.
Her files fall down.
Charlotte: Ooh!
Amenadiel: Rough day?
Charlotte: Oh... Since returning to my employment, I have found the number of daily tasks to be almost insurmountable… But hey... At least you're not here to take me back to Hell… You are here to take me back to Hell?
Amenadiel: No, Mom, I'm not. I'm just... Listen, I was just wondering if your being here is just postponing the inevitable. I mean, at some point... Other siblings will come down here looking for you.
Charlotte: And I'll convince them to let me stay, just like I did you and Lucifer.
Amenadiel: You were gone for a really long time, Mom… You might not know your children as well as you think you do.
Charlotte: You may be right… But, at least for now, I have you and Lucifer. My brave boys… So if I'm here on Earth for two more years... Or two hours... I will take every moment that I can get.
Chloe and Lucifer are waiting for Kimo in Chloe’s car.
Chloe: Yeah, the tip said that we'd find Kimo here. I guess we have to just sit tight.
Chloe is about to eat a sandwich.
Lucifer: Where did that sandwich come from?
Chloe: The patrol guys give them to us when we're on stakeouts. I'm starving.
Lucifer throws the sandwich.
Chloe: What the hell?
Lucifer: What part of "opposite day" don't you understand?
Chloe: It was a random car accident.
Lucifer: Well, let's agree... That you're wrong.
Chloe: What is with you? Why are you suddenly so concerned for my well-being?
Lucifer: Oh, m... Kimo Van Zandt. In the flesh.
Chloe: Here we go.
Kimo attacks a random man.
Chloe: What the hell?
Chloe and Lucifer get out of the car.
Chloe: LAPD! On the ground, now! On the ground. You. Over there.
Hipster: Dude, no way! The Weaponizer just tried to jump me?
Chloe and Lucifer are talking with Kimo in the interview room.
Chloe: Why did you attack the guy in the parking lot?
Kimo Van Zandt: I swear, I wasn't going to hurt him.
Lucifer: Was he a terrorist about to plant a bomb? Leader of a murderous cult, perhaps? He must be someone really evil for the Weaponizer to get involved.
Kimo Van Zandt: He's just some guy in trouble with the Mob.
Lucifer: So they've got his family and they're forcing him to kill the president.
Kimo Van Zandt: No. He's got gambling debts.
Chloe: H-Hold on. So you, former A-list, B-list actor, you're now breaking legs for the Mob?
Kimo Van Zandt: It's to pay the bills… I'm broke.
Lucifer: Oh, come now. Look at me… You're the Weaponizer. What is it your badass-kicking self truly desires, hmm?
Kimo Van Zandt: For my wife to be happy. That's why I've been willing to take any job. So she won't find out. She's my... Lighthouse.
Lucifer: What happened to you, man? Your lighthouse? Pathetic.
Chloe: Was killing Wesley Cabot another case of leg-breaking gone awry or what?
Kimo Van Zandt: No! I-I'd never hurt Wesley. We were friends.
Chloe: Huh. Could've fooled me.
Kimo Van Zandt: We had a public rivalry, but-but it was just for business. In reality, we share everything. The same managers, agents, lawyers...
Chloe: Wives?
Kimo Van Zandt: I'm not proud of how it went down with Jamie, but we fell in love… And Wesley forgave me. We even kept our friendship secret from Jamie so it wouldn't be weird.
Chloe: Then where were you this morning at 7:00 a.m.? We know it wasn't ActionCon.
Kimo Van Zandt: I was signing stuff at a small comic book store. I lied to Jamie because I don't want her to know how bad it's gotten.
Officer: Detective.
Chloe: Yeah.
Officer: You should look at this.
Chloe: Your prints were on the murder weapon. Kimo Van Zandt, you're under arrest for the murder of Wesley Cabot.
Kimo Van Zandt: N-No. No! No!
Lucifer and Chloe are talking at the Station.
Lucifer: I don't think he did it.
Chloe: Why? 'Cause he's the Weaponizer?
Lucifer: The Weaponizer once bit a man's ear off for looking at him funny... This puddle of whine doesn't have it in him anymore.
Chloe: He breaks legs for the Mob.
Lucifer: Yes, but he's not a killer. All he cares about is his well-preserved wife.
Chloe: Maybe he can get a jury to buy that. I don't. And, personally, I'm happy the judge set his bail at half a million. Now Dan has time to check his alibi, and...
Chloe sees that Kimo is out of jail.
Chloe: I thought he was broke.
Lucifer: Oh, I paid his bail. Even in this woeful, pathetic state, the Weaponizer does not spend one minute in jail. "Not on my watch." See what I did there, with the...
Chloe: I literally don't know what to say to you right now.
Ryan Goldburg: Mr. Morningstar.
Lucifer: Yes.
Ryan Goldburg: Uh, Ryan Goldburg, uh, Kimo's business manager. I wanted to thank you for making his bail. Uh, you know, Kimo sure as hell couldn't pay it himself.
Lucifer: Oh, it's the least I could do for a true national treasure.
Chloe: So, for someone with so many hit movies under their belt, why is he so broke?
Ryan Goldburg: Exotic cars. Private islands. You know what costs more than an albino tiger? The upkeep on an albino tiger. He blew through his money. Didn't listen. And now there's no more coming in. Thanks again.
Lucifer: Yes. Such a tragedy.
Chloe: Well, it's always a tragedy when someone gets killed.
Lucifer: No, I'm talking about his tiger. I would have bought it if I'd known.
Chloe: Why isn't Dan checking the alibi? Dan...
Lucifer sees Amenadiel then joins him.
Amenadiel: I want to talk about Uriel.
Lucifer: Well, what's there to talk about? Punch, taunt, punch, groin stomp. Repeat.
Amenadiel: Yeah, listen, Luci, I've been thinking, there might be a better way to handle this without violence.
Lucifer: What, like hugging him back to Heaven?
Amenadiel: Like hiding Mom. Hiding Chloe. And wait Uriel out.
Lucifer: What?
Amenadiel: Look, just because he told us his plan doesn't mean that's his plan. It's Uriel… It could be a trap.
Lucifer: Brother, you've been here too long. It's changed you.
Amenadiel: What do you mean?
Lucifer: Meaning that ever since you've been here, you've had to restrain yourself. But this is Uriel. You're you. Amenadiel. Firstborn… Unleash yourself. Enjoy it… Look, you do know that he was always afraid of you.
Amenadiel: Don't mock me, Lucifer.
Lucifer: I'm not. It's true. All right? Growing up, we... Well, we all looked up to you. You were like our very own action star.
Amenadiel: Even you?
Lucifer: Well, don't get me wrong. You were a major power-hungry dick about it… But trust me. Just the sight of you will send quivers down Uriel's spine.
Amenadiel: You're right. All he needs to see is me in all of my glory.
Lucifer: And there's that angelic ego I'm talking about. Right. You know what to do.
Amenadiel meets Uriel on a roof.
Amenadiel: Uriel.
Uriel: Amenadiel.
Amenadiel: It's good to see you, little brother. You're a welcome sight for sore eyes.
Uriel: I am?
Amenadiel: Of course you are… But, Uri, you must go home. I really do have everything under control.
Uriel: Are you sure? Lucifer's still on Earth. Now Mom's here, too… Uh... It almost looks like you're in over your head… But don't worry… I'm here to help.
Amenadiel: Yeah. You really think I need your help? You. Pathetic, small Uriel… Not the eldest son. Not the young rebel. But an angel buried somewhere deep in the middle. Lost in the crowd of your betters.
Uriel: That is not...
Amenadiel: If God wants something done, he sends me, Uri… Me… Not you… I am Amenadiel. The fury and the righteousness of our father. And you, little brother, are standing in my way.
Uriel: Okay. You're right. I'm sorry… I'll return home… You know what? Something's bothering me.
Uriel hits Amenadiel.
Uriel: I knew it. "Fury of God" doesn't usually talk so much. More a man of action. Amenadiel, at full strength, I could never beat this easily. Something's happened to you… I saw this coming, you know. I mean, not this exactly, because patterns are never that precise, but your pride was always gonna be your undoing. After all, the bigger they are... Well, I think even you can guess what comes next… I'm glad you came instead of Lucifer. And I've waited so long for this. Forgive me if I enjoy it.
Lucifer, Chloe, Daniel and Ella talk about the case in Ella’s lab.
Chloe: So did Kimo's alibi check out?
Daniel: Uh, yeah. Yeah. According to the owner of the comic book store, Kimo was there all morning, signing merchandise.
Chloe: So you had to confiscate all these toys just to tell me that?
Daniel: Uh, yeah. Yeah, it's a visual aid.
Chloe: Right.
Daniel: Look, those dolls, they're selling like hotcakes. The owner said that ever since Body Bags started streaming on Netflix, he can't keep them in stock.
Chloe: And that relates to the murder how?
Daniel: Well, at the scene, Wesley was going over all of his old Body Bags 4 stuff.
Chloe: Mm-hmm.
Daniel: Including his old contract, says he's entitled to one percent of all merchandising revenue. It's not much. So I had the studio send over a copy of their contract.
Chloe: Mm-hmm.
Daniel: Look at that. Says Wesley should be getting ten percent. Yeah. I also took a look at Kimo Van Zandt's contract. Same thing happened to him. Kimo and Wesley shared everything. Wives, agents... Business managers.
Daniel & Chloe: Ryan Goldburg.
Chloe: Wesley figured out Ryan's scam, confronted him, and then Ryan killed him to keep him quiet.
Daniel: Yeah. But how did he get Kimo's prints on the murder weapon so that he could frame him?
Chloe: I'm gonna ask him. All right. You coming?
Lucifer: No, no. You got this covered.
Chloe: What? You've been attached to me all day and now that we may have figured out who killed Wesley, you're just leaving?
Lucifer: Yes. Well, by now, the threat to you should've passed. But just in case, I've some family business to attend to. All right?
Chloe: Fine. I'll go alone.
Ella: It's like, get a room already, right?
Daniel: What?
Ella: Too soon? Sorry… So, um... How-how's the... The case going?
Daniel: It's fine. Yeah, it looks like the money manager did it. Tried to frame Kimo Van Zandt. Don't know how yet.
Ella: Man, killed by your own weird award. That's gotta suck.
Daniel: It was actually... It was really, really touching when they got it… When they got it.
Daniel runs to Chloe.
Daniel: There were two awards.
Chloe: Thanks. What are you talking about?
Daniel: There were two awards, because a fight takes two people. One of the awards was given to Wesley...
Chloe: And one to Kimo.
Daniel: Someone must've switched out his award for Wesley's. That's why Kimo's prints were on it.
Chloe: Jamie Lee Adrienne was at the dojo. Maybe she had access to Kimo's award.
Daniel: Maybe she's working with Ryan.
Chloe: Okay, you find Jamie, I'll get the business manager. His office said he's having lunch at the Ignacia Hotel.
Lucifer comes back to home.
Lucifer: Ah! Right, let me just make myself comfy because I cannot wait to hear how you sent Urinal packing. And please do not skimp on any of the gory details.
Amenadiel is hurt.
Maze: This would never have happened if you'd listened to me earlier.
Lucifer: How is this possible, brother?
Amenadiel: I no longer have my powers.
Lucifer: Well, what happened to them?
Amenadiel: Oh, I don't know, Luci, pick a sin. Is it because I released a damned soul from Hell? Slept with a demon? Is it because I'm working with you? Or because of Mom? Or am I simply no longer worthy? It's time that I faced the truth, brother… I've fallen.
Lucifer: Well. Welcome to the club. Meetings are on Tuesdays.
Amenadiel: It's different for me, Luci. It's different. I no longer have my powers. My very strength...
Lucifer: Big deal! It's probably the best thing that ever happened to you. But right now I haven't got time to hold your hand, because I need to clear up your mess!
Amenadiel: My mess?
Lucifer: Uriel's still out there. And the clock is up... Which means the detective is in grave danger.
Uriel crashes into a man who lets his journal falls and crashes into a woman, her child lets fall his ball. A labour takes the ball to give it back to the child. Kimo who drive his car must stop to not kill the labour and he his angry.
Kimo Van Zandt: Are you serious?
Kimo gets out of his car.
Kimo Van Zandt: What? You wear the orange vest, you can do whatever you want?!
He sees his wife and manager kissing. Chloe parks her car.
Charlotte tries to handle her son. Maze comes.
Charlotte: Stop it! Why are you barking now? What is wrong with you? Oh! I am your mother! Sort of.
Maze: Did you make one of them your pet?
Charlotte: I figured out the husband, then it was the job, now it's the children. This is supposed to be a time out to teach you a lesson!
Maze: I don't think that's how time outs work.
Maze barks.
Micah: Mommy, I'm sorry.
Charlotte: Maybe you're not so bad after all.
Maze: We need to talk.
Chloe interrupts Jamie and Ryan date.
Jamie Adrienne: What? Detective Decker. What are you doing here?
Chloe: I could ask you two the same thing.
Ryan Goldburg: Uh, we're just having a business meeting.
Jamie Adrienne: Yeah.
Chloe: Mm. You make out with all your clients? What's the occasion? You celebrating the successful theft of Wesley and Kimo's merchandising money?
Ryan Goldburg: I would never steal from my clients.
Chloe: Oh, you are clever, Ryan.
Jamie Adrienne: What is she talking about, Ryan?
Chloe: What I'm talking about is how Wesley realized his action figures were selling like hotcakes, did some investigating, and saw that he was getting robbed.
Ryan Goldburg: I think you should go.
Chloe: Unfortunately for Wesley, he shared his concerns about his business manager with his ex-wife, who happened to be sleeping with him. And that voice mail that you played for us, that's what started this, and that's what got him killed.
Jamie Adrienne: He did it! He's the one who killed Wesley!
Ryan Goldburg: What?! No, it was her idea! It was her idea to switch out the Nunchuck Award, cover it in blood...
Jamie Adrienne: Don't shoot!
Kimo comes with a gun.
Kimo Van Zandt: You stole from me, killed Wesley, then you tried to frame me for it?!
Chloe: Kimo...
Kimo Van Zandt: I cared about both of you!
Ryan Goldburg: No, please!
Chloe: Kimo... Put the gun down. Please.
Kimo Van Zandt: They murdered Wesley.
Chloe: And they will pay for that, I promise you. But don't let them ruin your life, too, Kimo. Please.
Kimo Van Zandt: My life is already ruined. Get out of the way.
Chloe: No.
Kimo Van Zandt: I'll shoot you! I don't care anymore!
Lucifer: Kimo!
Chloe: Lucifer, stay back. Guys, stand down.
Lucifer: Detective, you don't know what you're up against. This was engineered to put you in harm's way. You must believe me.
Chloe: Lucifer, I know exactly what I'm up against. It's just a man... Who's in a lot of pain… Kimo, a couple days ago I was in a really bad car accident. And I've spent the last few days trying to convince everybody that cares about me that it wasn't a big deal. The truth is... I'm terrified… I'm scared of how it can all just end... With no rhyme or reason. And what I want to do right now is just go home and read a bedtime story to my daughter. But... You know... That's not up to me, either. We can't control what happens to us, only how it affects us and the choices we make… So, please… Make the right choice, Kimo. Please put down the gun.
He puts down the gun.
Chloe: Thank you.
Lucifer: Well, well done, Detective. Kimo was about to do a very bad thing.
Chloe: Oh, well, not on my watch.
Lucifer: Very good. Let me escort you back to the station.
Chloe: No... I'm-I'm okay. You know, I don't believe in fate. And I don't believe in bad luck… And I appreciate your concern, but come what may. I am leaving here... Alone.
Lucifer: Very well. But just... Buckle up, Detective, please… Right. Now, if you'll excuse me. There's something I need to deal with.
Lucifer is at the Penthouse. He pours a drink.
Charlotte: Lucifer.
Lucifer: Mum.
Charlotte: I'm letting Uriel take me back to Hell.
Lucifer: Well, there's no need to overreact, Mother.
Maze: Let her go. It's the right move.
Lucifer: Right. Of course. Remind me at some point to give you a refresher on the meaning of loyalty.
Maze: It's what's best for everyone. She goes back to Hell, where she belongs, Chloe is safe, and I don't have to clean up your mess anymore.
Charlotte: More importantly, you get to keep your word.
Lucifer: I am keeping my word. You're serving out your sentence here on Earth.
Maze: You know that's not what your Father wanted.
Lucifer: Do I?! Everyone thinks they know what He wants. Amenadiel did when he first got here, now Uriel does. Human wars have been waged because of it… Dad showed me an open door. Does that mean I was meant to take you back to Hell or was he insinuating that Hell was getting drafty? Nobody bloody knows, because the selfish bastard won't just tell us! And I'm sick of it… No more… No more.
Charlotte: There's my Lightbringer… My Morningstar… Uriel was so small when he was a child. All he ever wanted was to play with you and the older kids. But you all excluded him.
Lucifer: Yes. And every time he came back, pestering us again. Which is strange, considering he knew what the outcome would be.
Charlotte: That's how much he wanted to be around you, Lucifer. Uriel is a stubborn boy. When he sets his mind, it doesn't waver… He's not going to give up until he has either me or that detective.
Lucifer: Mum... I refuse to believe that. There is always another way.
Charlotte: If anyone can find it, it's you.
Lucifer drives to a church. He calls for Uriel.
Uriel: For a brief moment, the pattern faltered. I thought it meant you'd actually bring Mom. That somehow, you'd surprise me. 'Cause for once in my life, I'd like to be surprised, but no. No, here you are… Are you done hiding behind our big brother's skirt?
Lucifer: Yes, it's just me now. Big, bad Lucifer.
Uriel: We've already had this fight before, Lucifer. Right here. You see, in my head, I've seen everything you do. I've heard every dumb quip you have to say.
Lucifer: Right, let me guess... In your version, I deliver Mom to you, apologizing, tears streaming down my face.
Uriel: Actually, no. In my version, you refuse to give Mom up and your human friend dies.
Lucifer: Yes, you've tried that twice now. Not much luck. Maybe you're not as good at this as you thought.
Uriel: Maybe I'm building up to a big finale.
Lucifer: All right. Uriel... You don't know what Dad wants. None of us do. So I think...
Uriel: You're right. I don't know what Dad wants. None of us do.
Lucifer: Right. Great, well, I'm glad we had this talk. I'll see you at the next family reunion. I'll buy the first round.
Uriel: But I do know what he needs… Mom's out. It's only a matter of time before she finds her way back to Heaven, and then he'll forgive her.
Lucifer: He would never do that.
Uriel: Why not? You did. She's been here, like, what... Three minutes? Now you're already defending her. Dad'll do the same thing. He'll let His guard down. And then she'll destroy Him.
Uriel draws a sword.
Uriel: I need to make sure that doesn't happen.
Lucifer: That's Azrael's Blade. How do you have it?
Uriel: I borrowed it off the Angel of Death when she wasn't looking.
Lucifer: You're not planning on taking Mom back to Hell. That weapon will wipe her out of existence entirely. No Heaven, no Hell, just... Just gone.
Uriel: Finally, a moment of clarity between us.
Lucifer: You've gone completely insane, brother.
Uriel: I'm doing what has to be done, and you've run out of time. See, I don't care about your deal with Dad. I don't care about what happens to your little human. But it's obvious you care for her a tad more than you do Mom. Now, all I need to do is hit this one little key right here. A sequence will begin, and two days from now... Your cute little human will finally die. So, Lucifer, you can either let that happen or you can give me Mom. Last chance… You choose.
Lucifer stops Uriel.
Lucifer: Very well.
Lucifer hits Uriel.
Lucifer: Well, you didn't see that coming, did you? Eh?
Uriel: Actually, I did see it coming.
Lucifer hits again.
Lucifer: I mean, I knew you were gonna attack. I just wasn't sure how.
They fight.
Uriel: Patterns are tricky like that. Takes time to get a real sense of them… I needed to study you a bit. Took much less time than I expected.
Lucifer: Aah!
Lucifer faints.
Uriel: You're lucky I'd never use Azrael's Blade on you, brother.
Maze appears.
Maze: Why don't you pick on a girl?
Uriel: But I have no qualms about using it on a filthy, scum-sucking demon.
Uriel and Maze are fighting. Uriel loses Azrael’s blade.
Uriel: You haven't disappointed, Mazikeen. Your patterns were tough to see.
Maze: Aah!
Uriel: But still predictable nonetheless.
Maze faints.
Uriel: Because you made it so difficult, now I'm gonna take out Mom and the detective. You can't stop me, brother.
Lucifer stabs his brother with Azrael’s blade.
Uriel: I didn't see that coming.
Maze: What did he say?
Lucifer: I... I couldn't understand.
Maze: Prick got what he deserved.
Lucifer: He was my brother.
Chloe reads a story to Trixie.
Chloe: "As the first stars came out, Coraline finally allowed herself to drift into sleep. While the gentle upstairs music of the mouse circus spilled out onto the warm evening air, telling the world that the summer was almost done."
Trixie: Read it again.
Chloe: You want me to read it again? Okay, baby. "Coraline discovered the door a little while after they moved into the house... "
Charlotte waits for Lucifer at the Penthouse.
Charlotte: What happened? Where's Uriel? Oh...
Lucifer: What have I done?
Charlotte: No... No, no, no.
